Motivating Children During Hard Times

Keeping Children Motivated—Even When It’s Difficult

Motivation. It’s a skill that is important for many reasons in life. It allows us to get up out of bed in the morning and get to work, to complete a daily workout, plan that birthday party for little Joey’s 10th birthday. Likewise, for children it drives them to finish drawing that picture for Grandpa, learn to ride a bike, and do their homework assignments.

We’ve all had times when we have been highly motivated and got the job done. We have also had times when it feels like an uphill climb just to get simple things accomplished.

Now more than ever, since the Novel Coronavirus caused a chain reaction of losses and hardships, we are seeing people of all ages struggle to complete even basic tasks. I myself have had a number of occasions when I had to really push myself to get simple things done, preferring to sit in a chair in a zombie-like state of numbness.

For children the impact of COVID-19 poses even more insurmountable challenges. Children do not have a fully developed frontal lobe which is responsible for skills such as impulse control, planning, organization, time management, and MOTIVATION among others. Prolonged stress poses an additional challenge to this area of the brain, the body favoring fight/flight mechanisms as a priority. These very children are worried about very real threats in their lives – loved ones getting sick, violence in the country, perhaps worrying about a parent not having enough money to put food on the table. That in addition to the expectation that they sit in front of screens all day, day after day, isolated from their friends and teachers and activities they love such as organized sports. So much loss and for so long.

When you really sit down and think about all of these factors it should be no surprise that we are seeing a tremendous drop in their motivation, among a host of other issues not the least of which is deteriorating mental health. Parents are distraught that their children are falling behind in school due to dropping out of live Google Meets, multiple missed homework assignments, and difficulty focusing. Simple tasks aren’t being done such as tooth brushing without a struggle, kids are even outright ignoring requests from parents, tempers are short, siblings arguing more with each other.

This poses the question, how do we find any motivation when often the usual resources are not available or no longer effective due to the chronic nature of the stressors? How can we motivate our children?
Below are my tips to help parents.

By no means is this a complete list, but my hope is that somewhere in this list you will find something new to try that you haven’t thought of:

  1. First and foremost, manage expectations. These are unusual circumstances we are dealing with, it doesn’t make sense and is not realistic to hold yourself as a parent, nor your children, to the same exact standards as you did before. Close their door if the room is messy. Let them have PBJs for dinner. Be kind to yourself and also give them a little more wiggle room. Many kids are not where they would need to be academically in light of all the events in the past year. You may need to scale down the work the kids do if it means avoiding daily meltdowns. Schools and teachers will have to deal with it, and you are not the only ones.
  2. Be creative in maintaining relationships. Use Facebook messenger for Kids, Facebook Portal, meet outside to go on a walk or ride bikes on a trail. Ensure that they have regular contact – it’s what give meaning to our lives and something to look forward to which can be a motivator. Then remind them of their fun activity “Just three more days and then you get to play with Bobby!” Have family game night at the end of the week or even the middle of the week to break it up… Roast marshmallows in a fire pit, do pillow forts and allow the kids to sleep in them.
  3. Keep hope alive and a reminder of good times to come. Plan what you each will do when this is all behind us as a family activity. My kids visibly brightened recently when we talked this over at the dinner table, and they have lists of activities to look forward to and give them hope. It’s a reminder that this will pass and it is not forever.
  4. Let them have a voice. If kids are able to feel heard and give input when reasonable they will be more invested and feel more in control. Give them options where you can. For instance, which subject they want to do first for homework, which chore the child wants to do for the week (e.g. walk the dog).
  5. Use tools to help kids get tasks done. Compete with kitchen timers, listen to fun music, use a puppet to give commands in a funny voice. Give only 2-3 steps to a task at a time. Also have them do chores/tasks BEFORE TV/screen time.
  6. Praise goes a long way. Catch the kids doing something good and be specific, such as: “It’s really nice to see you working so hard, I’m proud of you.”
  7. Use incentives. Involve the child in coming up with ideas for rewards when a task is done, then daily token toward something at the end of the week. This way you are keeping the finish line fresh in their mind. For instance, for every assignment they finish they get a point. It should be visible as well to make it easier to keep track of their progress. The end-of-week rewards can be creative, anything from extra screen time, pizza for dinner, choosing something at the dollar store/prize box.
  8. Break it up. To reduce burnout with schoolwork, allow 5-10 minute movement/snack/cuddle breaks every 30 mins, or alternately give them a few “break cards” they can chose to use when needed. Allow them to do easier work first, skip hard problems and come back to them.
  9. Use positive self-talk. Help them come up with sayings such as “One thing at a time”, “You got this!” and put them up as a reminder at your child’s workstation.

My final suggestion for parents above all else is to remember that this is our first time living through a pandemic. The priority is the health and mental health of our children. With your help they will learn some important and long lasting ways to build resilience and weather whatever storms may head their way.

*The information above is provided for educational purposes only and not to replace therapy. *

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S.J. Woodward Psychotherapy, LLC

5 Comments

  1. erotik on February 16, 2021 at 11:07 am

    Very good article. I am facing many of these issues as well.. Masha Nickola Dick



    • S.J. Woodward Psychotherapy, LLC on July 3, 2023 at 6:02 pm

      So common and widespread.



  2. Reading Derby on March 5, 2021 at 5:07 am

    I like looking through an article that can make men and women think. Also, thank you for allowing me to comment! Tansy Dev Roy



    • S.J. Woodward Psychotherapy, LLC on July 3, 2023 at 5:58 pm

      Glad to hear.



  3. S.J. Woodward Psychotherapy, LLC on July 3, 2023 at 6:01 pm

    Glad to hear.